Yesterday marks my last local outfield in Singapore.

Funny, the way our emotions work. Nearly all my outfields were situated around the same area, which means this place seems to the source of all my hatred on army, countless blog posts, conversation topics etc. It's like disliking an idiot (say we call him Sal) but saying u miss him, because a part of your life was about destroying Sal's life, making his life hell-like, talking behind his back, or getting inflamed from his selfish or retarded actions. No matter what an eyesore Sal is, point is, you are probably used to it, and it has already formed part of your life.

Point of the last paragraph. Nothing. Haha, this is a blog. It records what I think, mind you. Anyway now to the main point of my post.

Wherever your work, there will always be big fat lazy pigs who seem to be NEVER involved in the work that needs to be done. Say, before outfield, he complains of a puny medical condition that no even girls do, say, hmm, foot rot (Ok, contrary to popular belief, foot rot is just an infection that can be as minor as a skin peel), hence excusing him, or should i say, her, from the 4 days of hell, and indirectly giving everyone else more work to do. After outfield, where everyone is busy cleaning the section's machine gun, he is upstairs washing up, snoozing on his bed, or watching movie on his PSP.

Frankly i admire this guy. How he can stand being hated by nearly everyone else without giving a shit, how he can stand the guilt, and how he can survive till today with that kind of f*cked up attitude. Still, he's still burns my eyes. My entire body gets heated up when I see his face. He's like a laser that shoots at my eyes when they meet contact. ARGHHH.

Is this kind of situation familiar to you anyway? No? I think every NSF faces alot of such situations in army, but less in the outside world I suppose. Cos in army, you've got to do so much mundane stuff that you have no interest in, giving more room for selfishness. Out of the boundaries of army, you will probably be pursuing your own interests, so you probably like doing whatever u are asked to go.

But I don't freakin' care, because next time he needs help, I won't give anything to him. Money, a body cell, or even a single nucleotide on my DNA. Someone told me i shouldn't remember grudges, and and should continue helping anyone no matter what he did to you. But I can't, I really can't. Cos I think if anyone can do that in my shoes, he would be god-like. I would give him all the respect in the world man.

Again, this is debatable, because if it depends on what help he needs, and whether my memory fails me after a long period of time. But definitely I would be doubtful.

Maybe you can call this revenge. I simply want to make him feel whatever I felt. So in the end I would be just like him. But no, i'm not. Because unlike him, I would still help those whom I feel is worth helping. I simply look at who I help thats all. Why should I give him my attention, when he had never given me any? Maybe that time would be, finally, the time for him to reflect. Sooner or later he wld realise, hey, what the heck did all my friends go? woah. wake-up call.

Here's a story. A long time ago there was this tribe living in the forest. If everyone were to mutually help each other, then of course the tribe would succeed. But as time passes, some members of the tribe begin to backstab each other. They want a bigger share of food, more land, whatever. Then of course with so much backstabbing going on, the tribe would fail. And THIS is when you have a government formed, to make sure everyone work in peace together.

And in army, this government is called the commanders - our specs and officers.

But if the government fails, that's why the whole thing repeats again. But if you are the only non-selfish one, you will lose out. You are going to have a hard time protecting yourself, and even protecting the government, because no one listens to the government's orders, and if no one does the crap, the whole society would collapse.

So does that mean sometimes you have to be selfish? I don't know. I haven't really thought about it yet. But really, this deserves some thinking.